A different kind of fall

So…. I fell. Tumbling down in a way that only falling can do. I didn’t expect to exactly, not then and there, nor did I realize it could really happen to someone like me, but it did.

I really never did think much about what the falling would be like. I guess we tend to sometimes dream of the results of a fall, but little think of how it actually happens. Tracing back the steps that led to where we fell is what gives each one of our journey’s a different kind of story line.

You could say it all happened on May 15, but really it goes way beyond that. Perhaps it started 6 months ago, or perhaps it really all began on June 17th of last year when I walked down the isle on a rainy day to stand a witness to the joining of the lives of two. Whatever the case, it started gently and slowly- so much so that I didn’t even notice. And when I did see the fall advancing in the distance before me, I was afraid. The next six months were a journey and a struggle that prepared me for a future I didn’t quite dare to hope would ever be mine.

There were really three things that made my heart tremble. I first had to count the cost. Things like this affect every part of the life, not just the moment. I had to settle in my mind if this was the path that not only I should go, but that God was leading. And then how would it affect those around me, and was it worth it. Those things were settled in a relatively reasonable amount of time, but then it was time to wait.

If you have ever waited, with something deep in side that you know is more than a passing attraction, wondering and watching, keeping your heart at distance, and trying to understand what God is doing, not knowing if the one you are beginning to love will ever love you in return, you can understand the struggle of my heart.

Time and time again, I would give it up, but it would only come back with more force, and the peace that flooded me gave me courage to keep giving it to the One who doeth all things well.

So, on May 15th, God let me get a glimpse of what He was doing- not just in my heart, but in the heart of another, and at long last, I found myself falling. And I haven’t ever been quite as happy as I am just now.

Where ever it started- back at the wedding, on one of the other visits or sometime in between, it truly is a beautiful thing to fall when all is well.